Another Year...

Spring saw yet another birthday come and go... 

another year of my life is past.



That year brought the incalculably special gift of a 

nephew who brightened a very sick birthday for me 

as he explored the new joys of birthday candles, 

lake water, and wrapping paper!

As I look back to the last birthday before chronic 

illness overtook my life, I could be discouraged. 

When I turned 30, I purposed to become bilingual 

before my 40th birthday. My teens and twenties 

had been filled with the blessing of trips overseas 

with my family to minister to, and alongside, the body 

of Christ. I was learning just enough of a second language 

to converse a bit with very patient adults and convey a few 

pertinent points to lively and love-hungry children.

I really thought God was calling me to spend more time 

in my "second home" with these dear ones and knew 

that it was time to buckle down and get serious about the language.

But little did I know then that the eight years of chronic pain 

and fatigue that had been slowly engulfing my days would 

soon take over and keep me not only at home for years to come,

but also too weak and brain-fogged to learn or absorb material 

even in my native language.

Now that my anticipated decade is nearly 3/4 past, 

I can wonder if I was mistaken. I can feel like these years 

have been lost and wasted.

Or I can take comfort from the histories of God's children 

in the past who have been severely tested and "put on hold" 

to live and grow in the dark for years before God's promises

to them became reality. (My favorite Bible character since 

childhood has been Joseph in the book of Genesis, but his 

story takes on more meaning every year.)

And so, I enter a new year, "not knowing where [I am] going" 

(Hebrews 11:8) or how long I may be staying put, but trusting 

my Shepherd to lead me and care for me along the way.

And since being introduced to Duolingo a year ago, 

there are seasons where I am able to try a few minutes 

of language study most days to slowly regain what I have lost. 

The vivid dreams where I am struggling to speak with my 

friends have become more rare, but the love and loneliness 

for them can not be outgrown with the passing years.