Sally's Thoughts

Sally is a family-friend whose life changed drastically last year when she was diagnosed with a cavernous angiomia (a bleeding malformation of blood vessels in her brain.) This busy wife and mother was suddenly disabled by the effects of the bleeding and even more by the surgery which was required to remove it.

Though it is sometimes hard for me to read her Caring Bridge site since her challenges resonate so deeply with those of Elsa and me and our family, it is also encouraging and helps us feel less "alone." Sally gave me permission to share her writings here.

May 11, 2016. [My daughter] often tells me, "Mom if you say you are doing just fine people won't know how very difficult it really is for you, for us."  

It really is a fine line however.  On one hand I want to be honest and tell you the struggles and yet I do not want to launch into grumbling and ungratefulness. 

I have so much to be thankful for.  Many people do not have the extent of recovery that I have enjoyed.  At other times it is easy to become discouraged by the loss of abilities.  

There has been more than one morning, as I have awakened from sleep and suddenly realized that my face still feels awful and I have another day to slog through therapy, that I have greeted the day with tears.  It is not I am not thankful for life or that life is not good.  Rather it is just is so hard to preserve.

[And looking back 8 months...]

September 3, 2015  There have been moments this week that I have found it hard to keep on keeping on.  I know my progress is good and that I have so much to be grateful but I find myself anxious to be better.  It is hard to live in the moment isn't it? I strive and desire more.  

And then there is the matter of trust that also presents itself as a challenge. Not being able to see the complete picture and simply viewing it from my stand point there are always the wonderings of "why" and how will this all turn out. And yet when I step into that thought pattern I find little peace and joy.  Returning to trust in the midst of those ponderings, I find much more contentment and actual enjoyment...

This week I have spent a bit of time reading and studying Psalm 31. The first verse "In thee O Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness." 

Since trust has been on my mind I looked up trust in the Webster 1828 dictionary.  I loved the definition and have found it to help focus my thoughts the last couple of days.  Let me share it with you.  

"Confidence - a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or the other sound principle of another person."  The definition then quoted this verse: "He that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe."  

I have thought much about that resting of the mind, knowing that I truly can have confidence that God is working all for his good.  Even the interruptions of the day as well as brain surgery and recovery.

That reminds me [Hannah] of Frances Havergal's hymn, Like a River Glorious. Here is a verse:

Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully, all for us to do;
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

Refrain:
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.